- open swinging
- soft swinging
- closed swinging
Choose what works best for you. Though no style is right or wrong, the reasons can be right or wrong. Couples need to have the conversation on how they will play, singles just be sure you are comfortable with your choice.
The first time we went to a Swing party I had a long page of rules. I did not know what I did not know so I was protecting myself. I was a good Southern Baptist so all the rules started with “thou shalt not.” However over the years, in fact after the first party, many of the rules have been eliminated. I always suggest you do not change rules the night of a party, the rules you came in with are the rules you go home with. In the heat of the moment, people find it easy to overlook rules they've negotiated in the safety of their private space. In the heat of the moment, priorities get distorted. One or both partners may truly feel that it's "no big deal" during the party only to find out the morning after, at home, that a serious argument erupts. At its worst this could even compromise -- or interrupt -- the couple's future explorations in swinging.
So my recommendation is to change your rules only as you become comfortable with newer boundaries, and never change your hard rules, spur of the moment, just to suit another couple or single.
First of all, there's OPEN SWINGING, having sex in the same room (possibly in the same bed) with your primary partner and another couple. This is the choice of couples who prefer to be together at all times. In Open situations, there is no question of what is said or done, because everything is done together. This is also the choice of voyeurs/exhibitionists who enjoy watching mates while experiencing sexual enjoyment themselves. It can be very erotic to look up and smile at your partner while receiving pleasure from another. This situation can quite possibly lead to some variations of group sex and techniques that are not available in closed swinging.
The best reason to swing OPEN is because you enjoy watching your partner and sharing the sexual experience. When we are with another couple or single, I enjoy looking up, seeing my partner, while enjoying another person. I enjoy being with someone and inviting my husband into the play. And I do enjoy watching him give and receive pleasure from someone else. It is exciting to hear another woman climax and know “that’s my man.”
However, if your main reason to swing OPEN is to “keep an eye on your partner,” you need to talk some more! There is an underlying issue. In the lifestyle there is never a reason to “keep an eye” on your partner. There should be no secrets or concerns about what your partner is doing and with whom.
Fantasizing about swinging is always fun, but what about reality?
Lucy and I were talking about swinging and she was concerned with how she would feel when she did see Ricky with another lady. What if she found him having more fun, the new lady had some great tricks or she was prettier. These are fears we all experience. The only way to know is to be open with your concerns and know that if the play does become too uncomfortable you can stop. I told Lucy ‘Remember Ricky loves you; the play is just that, play. There will always be someone with great techniques or even prettier but he loves you.” We were with a couple one time and this lady had some great techniques. This was the first time I had ever seen Michael's eyes roll back in his head, I said wow! I did not get worried he would leave me for her, I just asked her to show me her style. Now we have a new way to play that we did not have before. Swinging can enhance your sexual time together and make your relationship that much healthier.
Another way couples swing is CLOSED SWINGING -- having sex in a separate room from your primary partner. The male will be with the female of the other couple in one room and the female with the other male in a different room or at a different time This allows the freedom (or the privacy) to 'discover' the person in a deeper way without the distractions of another couple in the same room. Closed swinging also allows the freedom to act out various fantasies without feeling you are being watched. If you have never had another couple or single on the bed with you, there are distractions. When you are making love to your partner it is just the two of you. When you add another or even several, then there is a lot going on. Some people can not function with those distractions.
Our club offers an after hours room for play. There are three rooms. One is for socializing; people like to still visit after the dance is over, then two other rooms with beds for play. One evening there was a group in the social area and the conversation was fun and there was a lot of laughing. In one of the other rooms Betty was working hard giving Fred a blow job. She had been working at it for some time. For some reason, no one knows, the group started singing “it’s a small world.” Betty came out of the room; stood there naked and yelled “I was that close to getting him off!” Distractions.
If you swing CLOSED because you do not want anyone to know what is going on, you need to talk. There should never be secrets from your partner. The lifestyle is about enhancing your relationship never taking from it. Secrets are for affairs and that is not what is going on here.
So what is SOFT SWINGING? Soft swinging involves teasing, foreplay and even oral sex with another couple prior to returning to your own partner for actual intercourse. You may find a couple that you are comfortable with and have great play time but, soft swingers prefer to keep actual intercourse between them. This is one way many couple practice “safe sex.”
Maybe you enjoy being a voyeur or an exhibitionist. Soft swing is a great way to get pleasure from the lifestyle. We have a couple at our club that as far as I know have never actually has sex with another couple. They enjoy coming to the parties to dance and flirt. They love dirty dancing with each other, she enjoys wearing sexy clothes and they enjoy the company of open minded people. She is an exhibitionist. They like to find a place in the after hours room and have great sex and they are a pleasure to watch. They enjoy being watched and our voyeurs enjoy the 3-D porn.
HOW TO CHOOSE. No style is right or wrong, it is just a matter of what is preferable to each couple. A complication can arise when couples are attracted to each other and one couple prefers open, one couple prefers closed and one is a soft swing couple. Each couple has the right to choose the style of swinging that is best for them. However most swingers are willing to compromise and work around another couple's choices. If what you want and what the other couple wants is a match that is terrific! If not, and a compromise can not be reached, keep looking. As a couple you will have your rules. I always suggest you do not change those rules at a lifestyle function. After a time in the lifestyle you may want to change your rules, discuss it with your partner during the light of day, not in the heat of passion. You may find new things out about yourselves and like those changes. Singles since you have no one to decide how you will play, be sure you are comfortable with your rules and stick to them. We all want to wake up the next day and feel good about swinging not guilty.
If you're going to be in Colorado this month, here's what kind of masquerading Lady Suzanne and Michael have happening at their swinger parties:
October 21st: Halloween in Ft Collins. Come start the season with the first Halloween party. Come to the party costume or no costume, and enjoy being with your ghoul friends. This is a bewitching good time. Be freaky, be sexy, be creepy or kinky and you may win one of our costume prizes. You will meet a lot of grand, classy and entertaining couples. The Ft Collins parties get bigger and bigger and the people are spectacular. Bring your AFF profile and get $10 off the membership.
October 28th Halloween in Denver. Halloween fans -- Be freaky, be sexy, be creepy, be kinky and maybe even win a costume prize! This is a party for lustful souls. Why do demons and ghouls hang out together? Because demons are a ghoul's best friend. OMG! Where do ghosts go on Saturday night? Anywhere they can boo-gie. (So expect ghosts at Rocky Mountain Connections.) Apply your scare-spray, come down for some boos, and join Dracula's fang club. Don't let me continue, but do come for a haunting, erotic night.
As always if you attend both the Ft. Collins and the Denver parties, the second party is 1/2 price. Couples and single ladies welcome. Single men please contact us beforehand. Bring your AFF profile and get $10 off our club membership. Capacity crowd expected so book your room.
Check out the Rocky Mountain Connections Social Club web site:
www.rmcsc.com
Post a question for Lady Suzanne:
