Hi I'm a retired merchant marine officer who wants to experience everything I missed for the last 50 years! THE OBJECT HERE IS TO MAKE YOU LAUGH (OR AT LEAST SMILE) I am painfully shy among strangers at first; I deal with the uneasiness through humor. I am 67 (and aging by the nanosecond). Is life passing me by? Scary. To think; that when I was younger I wanted to be an orphan. (My parents hated me because I survived a third trimester abortion.) My perfect match? The question of the century! I suspect perhaps a woman who has prior experience as a lion tamer. It is reputed that most of my remarkably few social graces were learned from other ship’s officers and WWF wrestlers; not quite true; I learned how to dance by studying circus elephants. Of late I amuse myself by redrafting the salient parts of my profile on a weekly basis and then have one of my innumerable shrinks interpret it. Other than the foregoing I enjoy discovering new laudromats and undergoing root canals and rollerblading on airport runways. Occasionally I visit the zoo in an attmept to discover from which family of apes I am descended; the results of this quest are as yet indeterminate but there is a certain troupe of west-Dublin chimps; the females of which do seem overly amorous. I am descended from a long line of bachelors. I love cuddling in front of the microwave and long slithers through landfills and atomic waste dumps with my pet rattlesnake (whose name is Lewinsky). My favorite authors are Bram Stoker Charles Darwin and Mary Shelly. I'm looking for a more approriate (or at least a more contemporary) role model; Bart Simp is a distinct possibility in that respect. I have been separated for 24 years. She left me for some Transylvanian nobleman (a count I believe). It is my understanding that they have congruent tastes in dining. There were no s; no rea to have copies of me walking the face of the earth. I must explain my sense of humor I think it is the result of a zoning ordinance defect wherein the test tube from which I am derived was located proximally to the abovementioned atomic waste dump. Hitherto my life has been patterned after Fletcher Christian I also live with 4 cats and 1 whom I rescued from death row at the local shelter. They are mercilessly spoiled and of late have concluded that my existance is solely for their peral convenience. Oh well; who knows what runs through their minds? I live in the Poconos (love it here). I love intelligent women Italian and French restaurants , very dry Beefeater Gibs (2 onions stirred; not shaken). Did I mention that I was the first member of my family to be born without a tail? Hmmmm perhaps I should write something romantic? Nah; I prefer to make people laugh. Good luck in your search; have a great day. Dick

My Ideal Person I wish I knew!

Tell one of your favorite sexual fantasies. Don't hold back!:
Having a woman suck my cock while another ass fucks me with
a strap on

What types of sexual activities turn you on?:
Giving Oral Sex, Receiving Oral Sex, Anal Sex, Toys (Vibrators/Dildos/etc.), Rimming, Spanking, Threesomes, Mutual Masturbation, Making Home "Movies", Participating in Erotic Photography, Massage

Have you ever had cybersex?:
I have cybersex quite often.

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